3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
