they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
