On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
