Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
