If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
