i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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