PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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