Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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