Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just crazy horny about you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
