Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's blow job season.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
