Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
