very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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