You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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