The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
