I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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