Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
