We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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