Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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