Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
