Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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