god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
MIDGETS
????
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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