Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
