Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
