DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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