i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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