But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
