you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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