i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
