"it" just moved
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
