He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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