I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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