I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
