I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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