It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
