apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she smelled like a LAN party
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
