so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
