My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
