Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I checked into jail on foursquare
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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