Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
