I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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