U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
