smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
