Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
