Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
