So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
