Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
