Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
