We won't sleep together?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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