Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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