I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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